so this is what engineers do at work

office news (from my boss):


in just one week's time, "DeSimone Rat" got abused, maimed, and rat-napped, during which time he (she) had both his (her) tail and one ear cut off. The rat returned this morning, along with an anonymous questionnaire asking which staff member violated the rat in what way.

We had a staff meeting this morning to discuss the situation, and it was finally revealed by the perpetrators that:

Shawhin put the rat on top of the bagels in the bagel box last Friday. (Nasty)

Clinton found the rat in the bagel box, was disgusted and repulsed that the rat would do such a thing, and in retaliation to the rat, he shoved the rat face first into the toaster and pulled his (her?) tail off. (Brutal)

Jiri came in late Friday night and pulled the rat's mended tail off, and then he tried to drown the rat by putting him in the filtered water container in the refrigerator. (We believe that alcohol was involved that led up to this action)

Nic R and Clinton rat-napped the rat late Monday evening, and left a threatening note that we would never see the rat alive again unless we complied with their demands to provide donuts with sprinkles on top during our 401(k) meeting this morning. To show that they were serious, they severed the rat's ear and left it on Robin's desk, along with their threatening note. We very reluctantly gave in to these demands, because we did not want to see that rat harmed anymore and we wanted him returned safely (although not necessarily in one piece).

Fortunately, the rat is now happily back at work and is keeping Robin company at her desk.